Age is a bitch…it kinda’ sneaks up on you, taps you on the shoulder and reminds you that, well, life is fucking short. And while you’re wasting yourself with petty drama and “coulda’, shoulda’, woulda’s” life’s zooming by in a very fast car (you can be assured it’s flipping you the bird while doing this).
So, yeah…after 30, love it or hate it, you do have moments where you think about the young feckless, brave thing you use to be and ask yourself, “what happened?”.
The point of this very maudlin post is that it’s my birthday tomorrow. Good old 09 April. A date synonymous with a fuck load tequila, cupcakes and general merriment and mirth. Well, traditionally it would’ve been. The last few years it’s been far more low-key… I was tired, stressed and generally lacking a social circle (hard to have a social circle when you’re constantly working). This year, I’ve made some brave decisions… I’m working for myself and am happier doing it, I’m rediscovering friends and fun and I’m feeling far more ‘Jean’ than I have in (literally) years. So why the melancholy?
I don’t know really… I’m 34 tomorrow and surprisingly I do give a shit about that. Historically I would not have cared and would have been looking forward to getting older as I become more comfortable in my skin. But, nah, it’s a bit of a shock to take a good look and see that things aren’t as firm or elastic as they use to be and I can no longer just pass off those lines as ‘laughing lines’.
When I get sick it takes longer for me to shake it and when I gain weight I don’t quite lose ALL of it.
But, on the upside, I’m master of my own destiny and captain of my ship, I’m making better decisions and I’ve become far less ‘drama’. So, there’s good and bad points and while I might not be as fit and young as I use to be, I can certainly remedy those superficial things with fitness, healthy eating, lotions and potions.
I guess, the glum pre-birthday disposition is down to all this bullshit introspecting. Maybe I should stop though and just enjoy the fact that I’m on a good path right now (despite the ups and downs of that journey). I am always going to strive to be and do better regardless, so might as well just get on with it and enjoy another year of being around.
And then, here is another reason to cheer up… I’m so buying a Diana F+ as my ‘for me – from me’ from www.exposuregallery.co.za . It’s been an obsession for the last few months.
Can’t decide between the Zebra, Qing Hua and Take my Heart editions.