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It`s a universal fact When you`re single, nobody will be even remotely interested in you. Meet someone fantastic and they suddenly crawl out of the woodworks. You can`t walk for all the men it`s raining and you wonder if you`ve somehow unleashed some secret mojo.

You will be wandering aimlessly through the desert of singledom and solitude…there`ll be nary a drop of water or handsome sheik in site. Men, like water, will be few and far between and nobody would seem to be even remotely interested in you. You start checking your body for scales and wondering if you are so incredibly unlovable that NO man seems to notice your princess-self.

Then you pull yourself towards yourself, decide to get on with the business of living life and loving you and business is good. You realise you`re happy and your self-worth isn`t measured by the presence of a Marlboro Man or not. And then you meet someone. The proverbial fireworks fly and things happen. Both of you are scared senseless by the whole things and alternate between just ‘going` with it and being over-cautious.

But the fact that there is a presence of someone in your life shows…You`re smiling and you`re so relaxed, it`s not even funny. You`re positively glowing.

And that`s when it happens.

Case in point:

I was on the phone with a male friend a few nights back and we were having a random conversation about nothing in particular and everything all at once. We meandered through the conversation in a lazy way, as comfortable friends do. Touching on this and touching on that, until the conversation inevitably turned to the subject of dating and relationships.

*I’ve resigned myself to accept that no matter how intelligent you or I think we are, people will always end up talking about relationships and/or sex. (Not in a dirty or 1-900 way, but just a general who`s having it discussion)*

So we’re sharing a common point between the two of us about the lack of opportunity regarding relationships, when I remark for the first time that I`ve met someone that I like and it seems mutual and we`re being *cautiously optimistic.

Long silence over the phone… followed by a kind of introspective, mmmmm. My obvious response was to ask, mmmmm, what?

To which, Friend makes the following comment:

“I don’t really know what to tell you. I was interested in you all along for years in fact. I put an offer on the table and you didn’t do anything with it.”

What follows in my head was something like this:

“I’m sorry, WHAT?! Is that a joke? Cause if it is, that’s funny. But is it? Or is it not? Was there an offer on the table? When was this offer made? HOW COULD YOU MISS AN OFFER?! What are the details of this offer? Was it just for this one particular subject? Or was there more to it? And for goodness sakes’, WHEN? Has it expired? Was it a timed offer?! AND what table was it on?! HOLY HAT”

But of course, I just laughed and did the whole subject switcheroo.

Of course, that ship has sailed. I am not interested in Friend because he is a sweetie-pie, but we`re highly incompatible as anything other than friends. Also…Friend`s a friend. Ja. Friends can`t be lovers. But lovers CAN be friends (Gettit? Gottit? Good!)

So, for my own benefit and the benefit of all those out there, I must make the following rule. All offers, of any kind, must be in written format, in ink, and delivered in person.

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