The older I get, the smaller my circle of friends become. I do socialise with many people, but these are folks that I would consider acquaintances. These are not people that I would discuss the intimate details of my life with (and despite many thinking that my blog is very open and detailed, my friends know it`s really a closed book. Some things are just private). I would not go to an acquintance for advice. I would not always trust them with my deep dark secrets possibly they may never know the â€˜real` Jean.
However, my circle of friends is slowly shrinking. I have had friends whom I would have given my life for. I still have friends like that. We are in constant contact in some way or the other and see each other at least once a week. We discuss the serious issues relationships, family, work, health, goals, ambitions, etc. And we discuss the most trivial things in our day to day life. Our humour is odd and plentiful..we laugh a lot. Mostly at each other. While pointing. I have gone through thick and thin with these people. We fought with each other, we argued, we got on each other’s nerves. But through it all, we remained the best of friends.
Although, this morning I thought about people who are now gone from my social circle. Individuals I spent hours and hours spending time with and you thought you`d be friends with forever.. How is it that you can share so many deep thoughts and life events with someone and then completely lose touch with one another? It is not even really losing touch as much as it is lack of interest. I am not the kind of person to throw away my friendships. I value each person in my life and my friends are really important to me. As much as we drive each other crazy sometimes and bitch and moan, we`ve become like siblings. And the rivalry and roughhousing bewteen us is always fierce. As fierce as our respect and love for each other.
As for the â€˜former` friendsâ€¦.With those friendships, I feel used. Was I there only when you needed someone to hear you out? Was I there for you to bring me down only to make you feel better about yourself? I was replaceable and when I was no longer â€˜needed`, I was cast aside. I tried to stay in contact with this folks, but after awhile, you can only try so much. I guess at the end of the day, we just grew apart.
Then there are the friends that have not grown up at all. These are people that I met in highschool. We were all the same- same classes, same interests, same friends. But then after highschool, we all went out separate ways. My tastes changed. I became a different person. We lost everything that we had in common. Now, if and when we see each other, there is nothing to say. The relationship is so immature. It is as though we try and one-up each other with our accomplishments. What rubbishâ€¦ I realise that these folks are probably insecure. But if I have try and make myself feel important because they make me feel like less of a person, then I don’t want them in my life.
There are friends I have recently met and we grew close really fast. We confided in each other, we depended on each other for advise. There came a point in time where every little thing I did, I wanted to share. But as the seasons change, so did my relationship. That person was there for me to close one chapter of my life and start a new one. When the time came for that relationship to end, it hurt immensely but it is helping me learn so much more about myself. And that`s also goodâ€¦it`s very good to have a friend for a season.
At the end of the day, I am sometimes upset by the lack of care we give our relationships with other people.
I choose to invest in the people that have been there all the while and some longer than most. I know that despite ups and downs, geographical changes, relationships, etc..these are the friends I will have for a very long time, and possibly *hopefully* forever. I know this because we invest in each other, we respect each other and we can realise that we aren`t always perfect around each other. And there`s never been a truer sign of partnership than that acceptance.
Tonight, the Urban Family is celebrating our annual *it`s an institution* Christmas Dinner. We call it 4 Chef`s Fusion and basically we choose 4 chefs (a Cocktail chef, Starter chef, Mains chef and Dessert chef) and they have to prepare a meal for the rest of the clan. It`s an evening of fun and great conversation and we look forward to it every year not attending is incomprehensible.
So, on that note, I`m leaving early to cook (I am Mains Chef woooheee). Have a safe weekend and I`ll check in on Blogsville to wish you all a Blessed Christmas.