Life

Sleep is the brother of death

Sheesh….14:30 in the afternoon and I`m exhausted. I mean, to be fair…I could blame it on the exhausting binary conversation in the Echoes. But it`s not.

It is just seriously the weirdest phenomenon.

Once again, I am going through a phase where I wake up at 4:00 in the morning. It doesn’t matter if I go to bed at 10:00, or at 11:00, or after midnight. My eyes are going to pop open at 4:00 in the morning. I can fall asleep, and what can possibly be making me wake up in what is for all intents and purposes the middle of the night is entirely beyond me.

And yes, I am tired all day.

It’s not that I don’t have plenty of reasons to be going through a stretch of time where I’m stressed out. There are several things going on right now that are potentially pretty significant, and that always makes me twitch. I’m still working to recover entirely from the exhausting 2 months of hectic activity at work – you have no idea how much havoc you wreak when you decided to be good at what you do and not procrastinate (an art I have perfected). It is just taking me for-freaking-ever to finish off everything I actually started. Why ever was I so ambitious? (read stupid)

But I cannot understand why I’m doing it again. Waking up at 4:00. What is that? It doesn’t seem to be caffeine. It doesn’t seem to be anything. And it’s happened before, and it always resolves itself after a while. In the meantime, I’m sitting here suffering

In a sense, it has an upside. I get up and work sometimes. Even if I don’t start working, by the time it gets to be 6:30 in the morning, I’ve already been up for two and a half hours, and then I really am ready to work. It makes for a long day with a lot of productive hours.

Except that I am so tired. This descends on me in this really obnoxious, cyclical way where I know it’s just going to hang around for a few weeks, and then it will be gone, and it’s just about due to be gone. But it doesn’t make me fall asleep earlier at night. Mostly, it just makes me plod along on, say, five hours of sleep a night for several weeks on end.

And it doesn’t change on weekends, not that it matters on the weekend because I`m a total night-owl then. *sigh* it’s also freakishly consistent. One day, I wake up at 3:56, one day at 4:04, one day at 4:01, one especially bad day at 3:45 and one really good day not until 4:45. But mostly, it’s right around 4:00.

My favourite thing to do with my free time is to respond to work e-mails, but after a few requests from staff and colleagues that I freak them the hell out when they see a mail from me sent at 4:05, I`ve refrained. Now I draft mails and send them when I get to work. I don`t want to blog. Sheesh…people will think I`m crazy (well, crazier than usual). That, and the fact that I won`t be able to continue the illusion that I have a wonderful warm body in my bed keeping me company (talking about Stormy, of course).

What’s stupid is that I think part of it is that I’m excited. When I get a lot of things going in the right direction at once, I really roll. Not in an unbalanced way – I don’t have any trouble putting everything down at the end of the day. But I think part of this is about, “Woooohoooo, let’s go do stuff!”

Well… Gee thanks, Subconscious. I’m glad you’re happy. I’m glad you’re looking forward to everything and that we’re doing today. But . . . seriously. Go back to sleep. Or have a dream once in a while, would you? Because I am looking a little hollow around the eyes

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