…a generous helping of “You’re a Stupid Cow”
I just realised quite suddenly that I am a huge flirt. Not a shameless oneâ€¦No, I`m quite picky about who I flirt with. But, damnâ€¦once I find rapport with someone (which is not easy in the first place), I love to come out and â€˜play`.
There. That`s itâ€¦that the Princess`s meaningful and insightful thought for the day.
Not (didn`t think it would be that easy, did you?)
I have also just realised that, besides being this terrible terrible flirting person, I have possibly let the most amazing person walk in and out of my life. To be fair, this happened last year May, but today I goâ€¦. Damn, you are a fool Jeanie. Sheeshâ€¦Time for slightly true confessions (Come on, I`m not going to tell you the whole ugly naked truth).
He is a friendâ€¦since â€˜varsity days. In fact, I lived at Res when I was at Stellenbosch. He had left Stellenbosch for another â€˜varsity the year before. However, once from Goldfields, always from Goldfields and he came back to visit. We met and became friends. Very platonic friends. Until last yearâ€¦He was out of town on my birthday and took me out to dinner when he was back.
He was different. More affectionate and the air just seemed more charged around us. And he kissed me and I responded and then freaked out – in that order. To be fair the shock was too much (even though I could`ve stayed right there kissing him all night).
Why? We`re friends. We shouldn`t go there. We`ll cause more harm than goodâ€¦Blah. Blah. Blah.
And now I can kick myself. :-/ Because he is just the most amazing guyâ€¦and I like him. I really really like him. And I always have. But I`ve bruised his ego and he`s keeping me at arms length. And I was too afraid to face it then and I`m too afraid too eat my humble pie, admit how I feel and take the rejection like a woman. He is aloof with me nowâ€¦almost scared to get too close. And I just want to reach out to him, but I don`t know how.
Not one of my better posts. But confessions are seldom coherent, well-written and pretty.
I`m such a stupid cow sometimes. *small smile*