Life

La Dolce Vita

I`m cross-linking with the lovely irrepressible, La Dolce Vita today. Not a challenge (don`t a believe a word she says!)…merely an invitation to a meeting of minds. On two totally different topics. My post topic will be ‘La Dolce Vita`, Dolce`s will be ‘The Princess Echoes`. By no means did it have to be posts about Dolce and Jean…But I could not help but write this with her in mind …and, yes, it leans to the sentimental…But that`s what living the good life is all about.

The day he left he said, La Dolce Vita. It was like an intimate caress in my ear…and as much as I loved him, I hated him then. For leaving. Promising to come back is nothing but that…promises. Unchecked, unfulfilled certainties. In that moment I was wholly selfish. You shouldn`t have to go, I said. His response was that I shouldn`t have to resent him for leaving.

La Dolce Vita…

That was his thing, never mine. He always lived and loved passionately. There was no rhyme or reason for his decadence. Just a full embrace of life and all its` pleasures. And we had pleasure together. But his pleasure was mine and I was afraid that I would not know how to be as passionate, ardent … intoxicated with living as he was.

La Dolce Vita…

I`m smiling softly to myself, thinking of that fearful dread I felt the day he left. Thinking of the certainty I had that I would not survive without him. Now I`m taking the Chardonnay out of the refrigerator, pouring myself a glass, lighting my candles. Soft music playing in the background, I start peeling, chopping, sautéing. Dinner will not be perfect, but I don`t care. I have learned…La Dolce Vita. I make my own rules. I now revel in my decadence. There are no exacts, no guarantees…just pleasure. In all things even the smallest things. Another sip of my wine… I`m learning that perfection isn`t what matters. It is enjoyment of every moment.

La Dolce Vita…

10 minutes later I`m sitting on the couch. Feet tucked under my body, I close my eyes and inhale deeply. Good smells and clear notes fill my apartment. I process how I feel…not lonely. I`m not worried, scared, anxious. Only then do I acknowledge that I feel free. Almost content. I am living my life exactly the way I want to live it. Without reservation or constraint. It`s become easy to extract enjoyment out of even the simplest of acts. And I make no excuses for my shameless debauchery.

La Dolce Vita…

I know now what he was saying. And I love him more for it. And I can love him wholly and unconditionally and without reservation. I can take enjoyment from his absence and my solitude and the anticipation of his return. I understand enough now to know that I am ready to take risks with him.

La Dolce Vita…

I love him enough to sacrifice the trappings and fears of my mind. I love him enough to accept my own happiness. Enough to be passionate about how I feel about him. Enough to show him that passion.

La Dolce Vita…

There is a knock at my door. I stand to open it. I am ready.

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