“I am a Tik dealer from Bonteheuwel who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents` live in Athlone and one of my sisters, who live in Grassy Park, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling dagga and are currently dependent on my other two sisters. They are activists for SWEAT by day and by night they work somewhere on Somerset Rd (I can`t tell you where, the corner changes often). I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a life sentence in Polsmoor for murder. The other brother is currently being held at Valkenberg for repeatedly attempting to reason with a number of his fellow commuters on the N2. With a cricket bat (signed by Paul Adams when he still lived in the â€˜hood).
I have recently become engaged to marry a former Russian prostitute who now lives in Sea Point and who is still a part-time “working girl” in a brothel. However, I don`t think she`ll be there long. We hope to open our own â€˜business` soon with her as the working manager. We want it to be classier than The Cage. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining us and we can make it a family business, you know. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the street, and hopefully the Tik.
My problem is this: I love my fiancÃ©e and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her that my ouma use to clean houses for a living?
Worried About My Reputation”
(I went to Greenpoint earlier today at 11am to drop off corrections I`ve made on some proofs. I was forced to park outside the Greenpoint Traffic Department and there I met Andreâ€¦In short, the above was part of a conversation he and I had. Don`t ask how I met a Tik Dealer from Bonties. I just did. Or how he came to tell me this tale of Sex, Drugs and Cricket Bats. The short version is that I will speak to ANYBODY. And they apparently sometimes speak to meâ€¦lol!! Was he putting me onâ€¦maybe? The story sounds unbelievable and I gave it a humorous twist, but it was SO entertainingâ€¦and if it is true, it`s more than a little sad and sick).