Life

MeBack

I’m feeling a bit like the Great Gatsby lately. You know what I mean…kind of like I’m watching the party (circus) that is my life take place from a distance. And while I`m watching the jugglers, the clowns, the occasional scuffle amongst people trying to play circus master or ringleader in my life and the acrobats tumbling back and forth, I`m feeling very detached. Almost aloof.

Emotionally…it`s not a bad thing per se. I`m feeling good, but I know what`s happening (once again, in a very detached way). I`m a bit bored with things at the moment…the routine of life. A dangerous place to be for the Princess, but it happens every so often. I`ve also realised that my boredom and occasional dissatisfaction with what`s going on in my world has to do with MY nature and THAT could be a bad thing. In the past I`ve made decisions and made changes in my life, that was totally based on how I felt in that moment. Perhaps my impulsive Aries nature…my constant need to be challenged and my resistance to being tied down the latter being a perceived notion. I`ve come to the realisation that nobody can tie me down (although I wish I could meet the man who would and I don`t mean that literally).

So, what to do…contend with the malcontent, the emotional detachment and the melancholy? Or deal with it?

I think, deal with it. But for once, I`m not going be a gatecrasher at my own party…I`m not going to storm in and sort out the jugglers, the clowns, the acrobats. I need to stop myself from thinking that everything is a challenge and a battle. I want to be kinder and gentler with myself. So, I think I`ll be going back to basics for a while.

What are basics? Well… spend time with me. Do stuff alone and selfishly put aside time dedicated to the Princess and only the Princess. No friends, no family…no JOB. I need balance again (and the lack of balance is nobody`s fault but my own). I need to recognise that a job is a job. And leave it at work. I need to say to my friends, Come over to my place instead of racing around the peninsula to meet up with them.

I need to read my books and write my stories and listen to my music again.

I need to daydream again. You see, it`s all good and well to bring SexyBack. But, I think it`s time I brought MeBack too…

*Later…I`ll be posting my letter to Cosmopolitan (especially dedicated to the November issue)

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