As a child I had an aunt who called me Devilene. She was a strange sortâ€¦she firmly believed the best way to keep a rather over-active 5-year-old in line was to literally put the fear of God into me. The FPU, had she known of this, would have freaked out. My mother`s a pragmatic sort and she does not believe in myths, lies and fables when parenting. She`d rather say, Kiddo, you`ve f*cked up in the past, but that is not the reason why things are going bad for you now. I remember hurting myself quite badly one day. I was racing around the pool I think (probably with Krisma Boet) when I stumbled and knocked my big toe. It was a bloody mess and I, of course, ran to the first and (at the time) only adult around my aunt. She took one look at me and saidâ€¦ You know why you got hurt, don`t you. You`re being punished for being a naughty little girl.
I`m standing there. Bleeding. Tears streaming down my face. Ringlets now a mess and green dungaree`s full of blood. I`m staring at her and I`m incredulous. Somewhere in my 5-year-old mind I decided (then and there) that she must be a wack job.
Moving onâ€¦years later I still don`t believe that God (or anyone else for that matter) punishes you. What bollocks? We are hardest on ourselves. Human beings have a propensity for woe is me. We are so wrapped up in Doom and Misery whether it be our own or our neighbours. But I digressâ€¦
I have, however, through the years come to the realisation that every now and then you have to be honest and go to confession. In my case, I am my own priest, I am my own sinner, I absolve my own sins (or, in the case of a major skandal, I`ll ask the other person to forgive me for being a total cowâ€¦and THEN I will go off and absolve me of my sins). I find it extremely cathartic and life affirming to be honest with myself about my wrongs and shortcomingsâ€¦*snort*or to be really honest, it makes me feel good when I can say terrible things about myself, before anybody else can.
I`ve had a strange couple of days pastâ€¦I felt strangely melancholy and the need to get real about stuff is strong. So, I`ve decided that I need to confess.
There was a time when I wished that I had had the courage to cheat on my boyfriends. I have never cheated and I guess I`ll always be a woman that`s monogamous and loyal to a fault, but there was a time when I was very hurt and I actually wished I had cheated. LOTS. Secretly I still regret being such a good girl.
I like the smell of cigarette smoke, whisky and cologne on boys not overwhelmingly so, just enough to be sexy.
Sometimes I come home from work and I immediately put on my PJ`s. Whether it`s 4pm or 10pm, it`s just so safe and comforting after a particularly horrible day.
When I was 7 I had to go to a certain lady`s house after school on a Wednesday and Thursday. I had my piano lessons there. She always insisted on giving me lunch. One day she gave me toast with Peanut Butter and Fish Paste. I. Could. Not. So, I waited till she left the room and tore a page out of a book. I wrapped the offending sarnie in the page and stuck it in my schoolbag. I trashed it the moment I left her house. To this day I don`t it Peanut Butter. Or Fish Paste. I still feel bad for wasting the food though.
I`ve always been incredibly jealous of both my sisters` hair. Allison, my eldest sister has thick, black hair. Lusterous and always gleaming. She doesn`t need to blow-dry it. In fact, she washes it and forgets about it and still it always looks good. Kim has the most fantastic mop of curls that I`ve ever seen on anybody. I have in-between hair. Neither straight, nor curly, or long, or short, or thick, or thin. And they need constant attention. L. *sigh* Where did the FPU go wrong with me?
I don`t like cats. I sometimes pretend to. I like the fact that other people get along with them, but I don`t like them. I think they`re evil and I don`t trust them.
I think making supper for myself is overrated. Therefore, I rarely eat in the evenings. But I will have a glass of red wine. I don`t care about the don`t drink alone rule. Guess what? It`s ONE glass and I AM alone. And I can`t help that I am alone. But I can restrict myself to one glass. I deal with those things I can control.
I love 80`s rock. And Bozz Scaggs. And Barry Manilow. And old WHAM hits. I even like Christopher Cross.
I am the ballsiest person I know, but when I meet a boy I like I become totally inept. It`s a weakness and it sucks.
I don`t like Oprah Winfrey. I think she`s a smug know-it-all. She might be a RICH smug know-it-all, but being rich does not entitle you to an opinion. However, I do respect her for her (carefully chosen for PR) humanitarian causes.
My greatest fear is that one day, in saying what`s on my mind and calling a spadeâ€¦well a spade, I might say something unkind about somebody or something (refer Oprah remark). I suspect that I`m unkind all the time, but I`m oblivious to it. I hate unkindness and I think I might be the biggest hypocrite ever.
And there you goâ€¦ The annual confession session (say that fast 5 times. I dare ya!). Just in time for Santa to see that I`m a very good girlâ€¦I believe in prepping early!
I`m devious that way kinda` like cats. And Oprah.