My ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder – if you have to ask) behaviour towards dating and men is starting to concern even me. Under normal circumstances, I have the attention span of a gnat and grow tired of most things in a heartbeat toys â€˜n gadgets, homes, cars, my wardrobe, my look, life. The one thing that I never tire of and I am incredibly loyal to are the relationships I have with my family and friends. However, since I started dating again, I`ve realised that I am incredibly fickle and my fickle nature is being used as an excuse not to form any lasting bonds with any guy. By date 3 I would have decided that this is not going to work. In all fairness, I warn everybody that my single biggest problem is that I am not challenged. I don`t mean this in a I need a bad boy to keep me interested kinda` way. I mean it literallyâ€¦I need to be challenged. Mentally, emotionally, physically (well, eventuallyâ€¦). And in challenging me you would have to keep up with the ever-changing flights of fancy and whimsy. Not necessarilyâ€¦mosey down along the garden path with me but at least sit on the park bench and watch me chase the flutter-by`s.
*sigh* Yes, Sometimes it`s MEâ€¦and not HIM.
You are the only recurring character in the low-budget sitcom called life. You can find yourself in the same scene with a different guy every time. Or you can change the scenery. Diversify; look at your options (Financial writer speak I wrote a Money Market article this AM). And that`s exactly what I`m doing. I`m opening myself up to experience different things (and people). Ladies, it is easy to get sucked into a Blame Men mentality. Lord knows they do enough irritating and shitty things to keep this blog ticking over forever more (but I try not to go down the male bashing route as a rule), but real change, real progress, real relationships, real happiness and real love can only come about through changes to your own behaviour and attitudes (Deepak again?? *giggle* Sorryâ€¦that one`s going to be used for a whileâ€¦).
Fact. We (women) have absolutely no control over a man`s behaviour. If we did, we’d live very different lives. But it would not be complete lives. The only person, who we have any true accountability and responsibility for, plus the ability to change, is ourselves. We cannot expect the white knight to ride in on his horse and rescue us from shit relationship choices so that we can automatically feel right within ourselves and live happily ever after. Even when the white knight comes blazing in on his big horse, a lot of us don’t even know good men or healthy choice when we see it as we are programmed to think that it comes in a package of drama and insecurity (*light bulb moment)
If you find yourself repeatedly frustrated at your relationship choices, it’s no accident – you made them. These men don’t just find you accidentally – there is something in your behaviour and attitude, which accommodates them.
It’s not just about when we are in the relationship, it’s about when you are single, it’s in the approach and it’s about the tone you set.
For us to make real change that will lead to personal happiness on our own and also within a relationship, we must have healthier relationships with ourselves and healthier attitudes towards men and relationships. It’s not easy because a lot of this is so drummed into us, it’s second nature, but you have to want it badly enough and pursue it with gusto.
Yes there are a lot of messages that we pick up and learn from our family, from the media and from society in general that only serve to add to the growing snowball of insecurity, but there comes a point when you have to get real with yourself and acknowledge the unhappiness that subscribing to this bullshit causes.
What am I saying thoughâ€¦I guess I`m saying that I`ve done â€˜emotional-wreck Princess`, I`ve done the â€˜I am going to pick up and dust off Princess`, I`ve done the â€˜I`m single and loving it Princess` and now (apparently) I`m doing the â€˜full of shit Picky Princess` routine. Which in itself is not bad. Being careful about your choices is good. I`m just worried that I`ve already met the perfect man but told him to leave because he didn`t challenge me enough.
Or maybeâ€¦just onceâ€¦I want to be in a relationship where somebody else takes control. Someone whose mind is as deep and dark as mine at time. Maybe a gent who does have a spontaneous and assertive bone in his body (not that bone. That`s a muscle. But would be nice *grin*).
Somebody that makes me wonderâ€¦ What`s next, baby?
*On a not-so-unrelated noteâ€¦I`ve changed my avatar again. Seeing my face all the time made me cringe. I felt naked and exposed. It`s still hiding out in my Album you sick little voyeur, you! but enough now. After yesterday`s Blog Whore (which turned out to be as inconsequential as hot air but like flatulence, just smellier), I think I`m made my point.