It`s Tuesday morning and I`m sitting in my office with a big â€˜ole smile on my face. So much has happened since I last blogged, but nothing that I am willing to share at this time *smile*.
However, suffice to say, I had a good long weekend. I had a days leave on Friday (yes, I didn`t only threaten but I actually followed though). And what do you know, when I walked in this morning the place was still standing. I`m crushed that the office could survive without me.
I spent some of my long weekend doing absolutely NOTHING. Impossible to believe, but I willed myself to sleep really late, not call the office, put off my mobile, not check my e-mails and just be kind to myself. Of course, I made time to meet up with my friends and spend time with my familyâ€¦but, at the end of the day, this weekend was about me. And only about me.
And as I had all this time at my disposal, I had an uninterrupted opportunity to think about some really arbitrary things. Likeâ€¦having embarked on a journey of discovery and self-awareness three years back. Am I any closer?
Short answerâ€¦Yes. Damn close.
But that`s not really arb, is it? Noâ€¦the really arb question was, Would I have done anything differently.
Short answerâ€¦Yes. Definitely.
Let me elaborate. I`m sure that many of you might feel that I should not regret a single thing I have done or experienced and that I should not want to change a single thing. But, however noble that sounds, it`s an impossibility for me. I always say that I try to be a realist and if I`m being really real right now (and blatantly honest), I cannot for one second say that I wouldn`t be tempted to do some things over or better or not to stray into certain situations. Don`t get me wrongâ€¦it`s not regret. There isn`t a single thing in my life I really regret. It`s all part of the crazy, wonderful, but essentially flawed person I am. And if this personal journey has taught me anything, it`s to accept all those little things about me to work on the bad things and to celebrate the good things.
But, given a chance, I would be very tempted to change some small details. Like my name. I like Jean just fine (being named after a glamorous aunt and a very glamorous star of the silver screen cannot be sniffed at). However, could the FPU not have been a tad more creative? Whatever happened to Jean The Fabulous Dennis. Or Jean The Amazing Dennis. And then there`s my penchant for being extremely competitive. It`s good to have me on your team because I`m driven. But it`s not good when I`m on your team and we happen to be losing. I am miserable. I sulk. I am not a good sport. I`ll smile at you in the form of a barely contained grimace, but I am definitely plotting your demise, you sick little weasel who SO didn`t deserve to win.
However, the one thing that I would change above all elseâ€¦is my tendency to get totally caught up in something new and absolutely wonderful at a drop of a hat. In a way, I blame it on my ADD natureâ€¦my unfortunate tendency to get bored very easily. In another way, I think it`s got to do with that very same competitive edgeâ€¦I hate rejection. I`d rather hedge my bets and if I am to risk anything at all, I risk it on a sure thing (btwâ€¦don`t take me gambling. I will ruin it for you). Point is, I get infatuated so easily. Not with people (I get excited at the potential of people but never infatuated. The risk thing again). But I get infatuated with situations, places, ideas, ideals, etcâ€¦
Growing up I had so many hobbies; I am amazed the FPU kept up. I had so many interests (far and wide) and true to Jean The Amazing Dennis form, I invested all my time, energy and money into these pursuits. Today, I am still like that. There`s only one word to describe itâ€¦I get passionate. I embrace things with fervour and I cannot possibly do things in half measures. It`s everything I`ve got or nothing (and taking into account that I don`t take calculated risksâ€¦well, I can sometimes afford to go overboard). Decadence and Passion equal Infatuationâ€¦where I am consumed by my love of this new wonderful thing to have entered my life.
I will devote hours and hours to researching it (thank goodness I`m not the same about people because it would probably be akin to stalker-like behaviour *shudder*). I will set aside time to muse about it and it`s different possibilities. I will relentlessly pursue it until I tire of it. And apparently all of this is true to my Aries natureâ€¦decadence, passion, infatuation and the relentless chase. The hunterâ€¦totally captivated by its` prey.
And what is my latest infatuationâ€¦passionâ€¦decadenceâ€¦prey?
It`s called Generation 8. And it`s the most fun I can have with my clothes on.