Life

Passione

It`s Tuesday morning and I`m sitting in my office with a big ‘ole smile on my face. So much has happened since I last blogged, but nothing that I am willing to share at this time *smile*.

However, suffice to say, I had a good long weekend. I had a days leave on Friday (yes, I didn`t only threaten but I actually followed though). And what do you know, when I walked in this morning the place was still standing. I`m crushed that the office could survive without me.

I spent some of my long weekend doing absolutely NOTHING. Impossible to believe, but I willed myself to sleep really late, not call the office, put off my mobile, not check my e-mails and just be kind to myself. Of course, I made time to meet up with my friends and spend time with my family…but, at the end of the day, this weekend was about me. And only about me.

And as I had all this time at my disposal, I had an uninterrupted opportunity to think about some really arbitrary things. Like…having embarked on a journey of discovery and self-awareness three years back. Am I any closer?

Short answer…Yes. Damn close.

But that`s not really arb, is it? No…the really arb question was, Would I have done anything differently.

Short answer…Yes. Definitely.

Let me elaborate. I`m sure that many of you might feel that I should not regret a single thing I have done or experienced and that I should not want to change a single thing. But, however noble that sounds, it`s an impossibility for me. I always say that I try to be a realist and if I`m being really real right now (and blatantly honest), I cannot for one second say that I wouldn`t be tempted to do some things over or better or not to stray into certain situations. Don`t get me wrong…it`s not regret. There isn`t a single thing in my life I really regret. It`s all part of the crazy, wonderful, but essentially flawed person I am. And if this personal journey has taught me anything, it`s to accept all those little things about me to work on the bad things and to celebrate the good things.

But, given a chance, I would be very tempted to change some small details. Like my name. I like Jean just fine (being named after a glamorous aunt and a very glamorous star of the silver screen cannot be sniffed at). However, could the FPU not have been a tad more creative? Whatever happened to Jean The Fabulous Dennis. Or Jean The Amazing Dennis. And then there`s my penchant for being extremely competitive. It`s good to have me on your team because I`m driven. But it`s not good when I`m on your team and we happen to be losing. I am miserable. I sulk. I am not a good sport. I`ll smile at you in the form of a barely contained grimace, but I am definitely plotting your demise, you sick little weasel who SO didn`t deserve to win.

However, the one thing that I would change above all else…is my tendency to get totally caught up in something new and absolutely wonderful at a drop of a hat. In a way, I blame it on my ADD nature…my unfortunate tendency to get bored very easily. In another way, I think it`s got to do with that very same competitive edge…I hate rejection. I`d rather hedge my bets and if I am to risk anything at all, I risk it on a sure thing (btw…don`t take me gambling. I will ruin it for you). Point is, I get infatuated so easily. Not with people (I get excited at the potential of people but never infatuated. The risk thing again). But I get infatuated with situations, places, ideas, ideals, etc…

Growing up I had so many hobbies; I am amazed the FPU kept up. I had so many interests (far and wide) and true to Jean The Amazing Dennis form, I invested all my time, energy and money into these pursuits. Today, I am still like that. There`s only one word to describe it…I get passionate. I embrace things with fervour and I cannot possibly do things in half measures. It`s everything I`ve got or nothing (and taking into account that I don`t take calculated risks…well, I can sometimes afford to go overboard). Decadence and Passion equal Infatuation…where I am consumed by my love of this new wonderful thing to have entered my life.

I will devote hours and hours to researching it (thank goodness I`m not the same about people because it would probably be akin to stalker-like behaviour *shudder*). I will set aside time to muse about it and it`s different possibilities. I will relentlessly pursue it until I tire of it. And apparently all of this is true to my Aries nature…decadence, passion, infatuation and the relentless chase. The hunter…totally captivated by its` prey.

And what is my latest infatuation…passion…decadence…prey?

It`s called Generation 8. And it`s the most fun I can have with my clothes on.

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