A darker Princess
Not a negative post. Just an insight. Today is not a good day for me. The FPU and MPU are back in town, earlier than planned, because my dad`s aunt passed away. I`m not in a good frame of mind and haven`t been since yesterday.
I`m feeling sad, ignored, unlovable and plain pissed off. It`s not me at least not all the time. And it`s not because of the death of a family member. It`s just a culmination of stuff that`s finally (maybe) getting too much. But, right now I just want to drag myself home and curl up and have a good cry. And tomorrow I will probably regret revealing something so personal and raw in this space. But to hell with it. It`s not the Jeanie Showâ€¦it`s my personal on-line journal and today I`m having a hard time adopting a positive and happy attitude.
I`m not in an â€˜unhappy space`, but I am having the mother of all weeks. Despite my attitude to my single status and having fun while I`m at it I can say without reservation that today, this moment, right nowâ€¦I so hate being alone. I hate the idea of going home to a quiet house and not having the comfort of somebody`s arms around you. It`s excruciating how much I just really could like to have somebody to talk to right now about everything. And nothing much.
But to just have some blessed release right now. Someone to hold my hand and say, it`s ok. Just this once you don`t have to be strong. You don`t have to pretend to be ok. And you can cry, laugh, talk and lean on me as much as you like.
Tomorrow, when I regret my candor and convince myself not to erase this post from my blog, I will probably have picked myself up and dusted myself off in true Jean style. And I`ll be fine. But it would have happened. And I will not erase this post because it will be my reminder that I cannot be strong all the time. That I too need somebody sometimes. And I`ll leave it here in the Echoes, like a ringed coffee stain in my favourite book.