*PG18. SNVL (and bad writing). You have been warned*
At the birth of every little boy, in every hospital in all the worldâ€¦there should be an instructor on hand to ensure that said little baby boy is well aware of the consequences of being born into the male population.
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a Penisâ„¢!
If you have a Penisâ„¢, this is important information. Please read the following guidelines carefully. The following limits our liability:
The Penisâ„¢ is for recreational use only. When that recreational use is limited to the unpleasant task of relieving oneself, please note that it is highly appropriate to try and spell one`s name for own amusement.
Any other recreational use is highly encouraged and should be pursued with great vigour at any opportunity.
The limit is one per customer and replacements are not allowed. On loss or damage of Penis â„¢ feel free to curl up into fetal position and die.
Reproduction is strictly prohibited, unless you have found willing receptacle. Unplanned reproduction will only occur on pain of death.
Use strictly as intended. Penisâ„¢ should not be used as a replacement for Brainâ„¢.
Do not use in direct sunlight, sand or exposed to extreme temperatures.
Misuse or careless use may cause extreme injury or death.
Not recommended for use by persons with heart conditions or chronic respiratory problems.
Do not operate while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
May be too intense for some viewers.
Slippery when wet.
Keep out of reach of children (this includes barely 18 year old first year students)
Warning: Do not put under pressure. Will cause object to increase rapidly in size and possibly blow up.
Maximum daily output should not exceed three (3) uses per day.
Penisâ„¢ may appear large in mirror
Most of all, our sexy service technicians (“women) have the right to refuse service.
The Importance of Little Johnny will be continued…