“Oh yeah, he’s definitely hot,” said the Marlboro Man
“Yeahâ€¦.Patrick Dempsey is hoooooooooot! Wowâ€¦I can`t believe you agree with me! Wait. How can you agree with me? Aren`t you guys supposed to have this resistance to calling other men hot??!
Um. Yeah, but it`s not like the dude is physically HERE you know. He`s TV-guy. No threat to me. And besides, the minute I want to BE like him and you want to be WITH him, he becomes hot.
Mmmâ€¦yes. Marlboro Man as Patrick Dempsey. Possibleâ€¦entirely possible in my current addled state. The point, however, is that we all have a way of categorising what is attractive to us.
I`ve got a problem. I think that most people possess some kind of X factor that sets them apart from the next person. Hence, I don`t like referring to people as ugly (except for the phrase â€˜ugly American` but that`s for an entirely different post). So, as a result, I see quirks in some people as endearing and a bad haircut as hot. However, I do realise that there`s various degrees of X factorâ€¦.
So, women categorise men. All men. Really. Whether we do it subconsciously or notâ€¦we do it. And all our categories may differ, but it doesn`t matter. There are some men that just transcends categories and we are all in agreement about themâ€¦.Like Wentworth Miller. Class of his own (Mostly because when you see those pics of him where he`s looking really intense, it makes you want to peel your skin off your body). Secretly, we all want the class of their own guy, but all of us are aware that WE are not in that class with himâ€¦on account of him being in a class of hisâ€¦umâ€¦own. Yeah.
But then you getâ€¦.
Hot Category One: So Damn Hotâ€¦almost scorching
Category One Hottie example: Patrick Dempsey
These guys are the types that have it all. They have the manly facial features, striking eyes, a firm, toned body and a smile that gets you randy within moments. Their personality also plays a role, but not always. In fact, knowing too much about a hot guy will likely kick him down a notch or two; there’s too much potential for revealing an awkward mommy complex or something. Most of these men could be perfect strangers. As long as they possess the above factors for hotness, they’ll score a ten in our book. Of course, playing a doctor will score you extra points any day.
Hot Category Two: Cute â€˜n Sexy, Mr. Boy next door
Category Two Hottie example: T.R.Knight
Cute men fall short of the “Scorching Hot” category for one of several reasons. There could be the age difference that makes you feel dirty (in a bad way), but if they are too clean-cut or good-boy, it makes your fantasies difficult to imagine. He’s still attractive, but not enough to make you think all those dirty thoughts with just a glance. These boys have potential and WILL surprise you. Oh believe me.
Hot Category Three: Oozes Sex appeal
Category Three Hottie example: Johnny Depp
This is a category that seems universal among most women, but is most difficult to define. Men that “ooze sex appeal” don’t necessarily have to be very good looking at all. In fact, they tend not to be someone that you’d even like to call hot. However, there’s something about their look that makes you want to take off your clothes as quickly as possible. Often, it is the bad-boy mentality. People like Colin Farrell and such would thus fall into this category. Other older men like Mick Jagger would make it in based on a combination of look and reputation. Though, it must be said that Mick Jagger does not make me want to disrobe in any way. Others, like Seal, can make it in with a mix of some mysterious scarring and a smart Armani suit. The possibilities are endless, really.
Hot Category Four: I can`t place you, and it`s driving me nuts. So nuts, I want to grab you.
Category Four Hottie example: Jake Gyllanhaal
Jake Gyllenhaal. Whewâ€¦They are hot. They`re the boy-next-door. They`re also mysterious and intense. But seem to be lots of fun. DAMN YOU, The I-can`t-place-you-guy!! You mess up my special filing system with your quirkiness andâ€¦and undercover hotness that kinda` sneaks up on me. *sniff*
Category Five: NOT Hot.
Category Five NOT Hottie example: 50 cents
You have to suck to fall into this category as far I`m concerned, because most people have something about them that defines their essence. And sometimes it`s not obvious, but mostly (if you spend some time thinking about it), you`ll discover someone`s X factorâ€¦, which could be anything from physical traits to intelligence. I mean, even sloppy men can make it into the “cute” category if they have enough humor, kindness, or personality. Basically you’ve got to be pretty bad all round, which is probably more rare than you’d think. There`s something about 50cents that`s just NASTY. In my humble opinion.
Soâ€¦what category shall I put you in? I like to keep my men organized, you know.
Oh, and by the wayâ€¦.if you were wondering who was my favourite hottie?
Wellâ€¦it`s not Patrick Dempsey (in all his Marlboro Man-esque wonder); it`s Mr. T.R.Knight, the boy-next-door. And the Marlboro Man is definitely a hot boy-next-door.