Tales from the checkout counter

Something is afoot. I have been propositioned, hit on and flirted with thrice this weekend. I even had a suggestive eyebrow waggle You know what I mean…when a guy (or chick) says something they think is particularly funny and they waggle the eyebrows to further support their point. None of my propositions, innocent or not, were welcome even remotely – although one was well-intentioned. However, in some instances one cannot help to feel flattered by the attention (in a you-don`t-know-me-why-try-to-get-into-my-pants-please-don`t-insult-me kinda` way), but mostly you`re stuck wondering if you`re giving off some kind of idiot vibe …

Case in point.

I went to the gym earlier today, got hot, sweaty and then proceeded to clean up and immediately headed off to Woolworths to forage for supplies. Now, it`s technically still morning. I`m grumpy (not a morning person), I`m angry (gym has that effect on me. Strange that people say it`s supposed to calm you down) and I`m morose (I`m not the happiest camper because I know I have to go to work later to meet a newspaper deadline). Go in, get the stuff I need and get out. I`m wearing sweatpants, sneakers and a t-shirt…and I`m not feeling particularly precious about it because I just came from the gym, right?. So I`m in Woolies, standing in the Q, ignoring all the sweeties and chocs, when I catch the tale-end of a sentence behind me. Some guy is talking about how I’m not even listening to him when he`s talking to me…*blink* and *raised eyebrow*. And what follows is some dude trying to pick me up in the Woolies Q, while I`m standing there fresh-faced in sweats. Charming…

Him: You look pretty, you got a boyfriend?
Me: No (inching further on in the line. Scuff ankle of woman in front of me with my trolley)
Him: That’s good so you can be my girlfriend.
Me: I don’t even know you.
Him: *switching tactics* Do you have kids? (he asks while glancing into my trolley which ticks me off royally because any person shopping for brocolli, green curry paste and lemongrass obviously doesn`t have kids. It`s meal for one shopping. Not a sweetie, healthy fruit or calcium building yoghurt in sight)
Me: No. I have dogs. They like brocolli.
Him: *shocked* Really!
Me: Yes (I turn away. Make a big show of taking out my mobile, in order to pretend that I can`t talk as I have to make a call. Silly woman).
Him: *changing tactics again* Can I have your phone number.
Me: No
Him: Oh please…you have to.
Me: I haven`t HAD to do anything since I turned 18, but if this will get you to leave me alone…fine. *I proceed to give him an arb number…with some made up digits…which I repeat back to him twice (I`m very convincing). I glance down at his hands keying the digits into his mobile. I blink. I frown*
Him: *smug* Don’t get a boyfriend, cause you’re going to be my girlfriend.
Me: *smile* That`s nice…but again, I don’t know you.
Him: Why are you being so negative? You should give a guy a chance.
Me: I`m sorry….I was incapable of thinking straight on account of the blinding light reflecting off your shiny wedding band.

Jaw Drops. He turns red. I turn to leave.

Am I approachable? (even when I`m grumpy and in sweats)..well, Yes. The best line is usually hello, how are you and if I`m not interested, I`ll tactfully and kindly say so without wasting the guys time or hurting his feelings.

But Mr. Woolworths Q Flirter person…you cannot try and pick me up while you`re so obviously wearing your wedding band.

I have more respect for myself than you obviously thought…

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