Finishing this assignment (with my sanity intact) has become my biggest strategic focus and business driver for the day (see how I effortlessly dropped bullshit business jargon into conversation. I should be made CEO of blogland). In the meantime, the FPU has come back from visiting my brother in Jo`burg and spent 30 minutes on the phone this morning discussing everything from Jozi traffic (exciting), Jozi people (exciting), Jozi weather (not so exciting) to my brother`s rugby friendsâ€¦Gert and Gertjie (exciting).
She also took a brief moment to let me know that she personally felt that I should become more selfish (is it possible? I`m single and already incredibly selfish with my time and energy) and I must speak to the universe about what I want. She based this on the fact that I told her I am in a state of flux at the moment. You see – the last time I got bored, I packed up home and hearth and trekked down to George (only to return three months later). I am still experiencing the repercussions of this decision and the FPU, I think, is not in the mood for another protracted, Jean is bored, what is she going to get up to now phase. So, hence the what do you want out of life questionâ€¦and the gentle nudge in the direction of the space dimensional telephone to tell the Universe, WAZZUP???!
Apparently, you need to think about what you want and write it down and thus you have spoken to the universe. And if you speak to the universe, it is bound to answer (hah! I watch and wait). This list must apparently contain the following:
6 Must happen things
6 Must not happen things
10 Important or non-negotiable things
Infinite wouldn’t-it-be-nice thingsâ€¦
5 Scenarios (envisioned)
Never one to shy away from homework, I diligently sat down and filled out four of my musts. And then, I got stuck. I mean, wanting to meet someone special (who is the perfect â€˜jean-fit`) is a Must. It`s a deal-breaker of sorts. I`ve focused all my energy on my friendships and career and now it is time to think of me. But then what were the things I absolutely had to have in another human being? I couldn’t think of them because it`s really not THAT easy being prescriptive. I mean, I could give you a whole list of stuff that is important to ME. â€¦but what are the important stuff really? Isn`t it enough to say that he must be smart and kind and sweet (and must love dogs)? So I moved on to the Must not happens. Same thing. Partial completion – and I got stuck figuring out 4 out of my 6. Hmmmâ€¦
At first, I attributed it to being tired and brain-dead. Tired people can’t think about such things as life-partners and perfect mates. Tired people look for the nearest pillow and bed and just got to sleep. Tired people can’t philosophize on love in today’s day and age.
But then I thought. What if I wasn’t tired? What if I just didn’t know what I wanted, what I was looking for? If I couldn’t tell the universe what I was seeking, how could it answer in return? Was it perhaps why I meet guys but they never really tickle my fancy? The universe, I reasoned, was not psychic, nor was it supposed to not only chew, but swallow and digest the food for me. I had to do some of the work and think on some of the important criteria.
And so this list is waiting for me to get to it, suspended, as if in purgatory. And I assure you that when I finish it; I will post it here, no matter how embarrassed I am to share it. Even, if it makes me come across as crude and shallow.
The Universe, I hope, will understand where I’m coming from. Even if no one else does.