Life

Mesmerised

There are days when you get out of bed and just feel different. Lighter…happier…sexier. You`re singing in the shower, you`re playing with your dogs, you`re wearing your favourite skirt and heels…even your perfume seems intoxicating to you.

And you walk into a 08h30 meeting, a meeting you notoriously hate attending because it`s just so damn early in the morning, but you`re glowing. And you know it. And everybody seems to be captivated by it. It`s almost infectious.

You`re not saying much, but you`re smiling and there`s something almost mysterious about that smile. There`s a new fella` in the meeting and you catch him looking at you often… You can tell he`s intrigued. And when it`s all said and done…he walks up to you and say, Hey, I`m so sorry you caught me staring and this may be highly inappropriate because you`re my client and this is a business meeting, but you`re …um…mesmerising.

Now, if you were one of my friends, you wouldn`t exactly call me mesmerising. If you work with me, you wouldn`t call me mesmerising (you would sometimes want to call me Hitler). But this (very sexy) gent thought I was mesmerising. And I know what caused the ….um…memorisation (that`s a real word. I checked).

Happiness is infectious. It`s sexy. There is nothing more alluring than a happy and positive person, who struts into a room with all the confidence in the world and smiles a mysterious, I-know-something-you-don`t smile. Lately I`ve been glowing (if I have to say so myself). It`s like coming though a fog and suddenly seeing the world in bright retro colours. It`s a high …it`s almost an aphrodisiac.

Look, it`s not like I`ve been a miserable cow all the time (although there was a rough patch about a year ago where I had all the positivity of the last dodo on earth) and then I was over the rough patch, but my journey of self-exploration made me extremely preoccupied. And, well…I`m strange that way. Life is cyclic and I`m cyclic and when things aren`t perfectly Jean, it`s easy to see. The way I dress is affected, the way I think and react to others are affected, my house becomes a miserable place …even my dogs become slightly suicidal (mostly because they don`t get quiet boring mommy as opposed to unlimited energy mommy).

There`s an aura around people that are happy and positive and it attracts others. It makes them want to be around you it makes them happy too. And the realisation that you love yourself and you love the space you`re occupying at the moment, it makes you want to take over the world. And you probably could.

So…why am I happy?

I like me. I like who I am (warts and all…and there are warts). I love my crazy family and even crazier friends. Although I suspect I might work too hard, work is great. For the first time in a long time, I love my house…it`s starting to feel like a home again. The soul has been through a bit of a wringer in the last couple of years and I needed to use double-strength superglue to piece together my heart but I am ok now. I can finally say that without reservation. I can look at me and see the good, the bad and the ugly…and I don`t feel the need to focus on the bad and the ugly. But, I understand that some things need to be worked on, while others are inherent of my crazy, offbeat personality.

Who am I? I am Jean. I like lemon gelato and lamb chops. I like expensive handbags and shoes and inexpensive pleasures like sitting on a blanket to watch the sunset with my buddies. I dress in my own style and take my cue from my mood and not the fashion industry. I like fast cars and men who know when to slow down *smile*. I like Sunday morning cartoons in bed and strange obscure little dorpies where the residents still sit out on the stoep to smoke their pipe. I like rain, the smell of fresh lavender, walking bare feet by day and in killer heels by night. I don`t like soap opera`s my life is a soap opera. But I love a good book I cannot go to bed without having read at least a chapter of something. I like laughing and flirting, but can become melancholy sometimes. I like rock, world music, alternative, jazz, R&B, dance, Hip Hop and Funk.

Am I a contradiction? Yeah.

I`m Jean. I`m mesmerising…so why the hell not?

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