Call from the Female Parental Unit (FPU)

On the phone with the Female Parental Unit first thing this morning.

FPU: Good morning green-eyed monster!!!
ME: *grunt*
FPU: You really shouldn`t mumble. Especially in your job. Do you mumble to the people around you? Do you mumble to the journalists. No wonder you`re always complaining they get things wrong
ME: *grunt*
FPU: Your problem is fibre. You need to put more fibre in your diet. You`ll feel much better in the morning
ME: On account of me having to race to the loo….
FPU: You forget I know what`s best for you. I gave birth to you
ME: *grunt*
FPU: “I am having trouble finding things on the Internet lately.”
ME: “Have you tried Google?”
FPU: “Google? Is that www G-O-G-G-L-E dot com?”
ME: “No, that’s goggle.”
FPU: “Oh. So if I type google into Yahoo, will I find Google?”
ME: “Ummm.”

Brief, merciful silence.

FPU: “Did I tell you I wanted to bath your dogs in methylated spirits the other day?”
ME: “No you did not.” (wide awake)

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