• Keeping up with the Joneses

    Normally I wouldn`t be nasty. It`s not me. But really…one can only take so much. I live in a gated community. A little piece of paranoid Eden in the heart of the Boerwors Belt. My friends joke about my stubborn attitude towards moving out of the northerns…they say they have to pack a passport and a ‘padkos` to visit me. In fact, more often than not, I will drive all the way to the CBD or the Southern Suburbs to see them. And I will do it with a smile because my choice of geographical location makes perfect sense to me. I live in Vredekloof, in a neat security-patrolled gated…

  • Curiosity Overkill

    Mood: Slightly Serious Princess. A friend has just told me that his girlfriend is having an affair. The affair started before they started dating. He is crushed. And I am so mad at her because sometimes, nice guys do finish last. Herewith…. Women can be susceptible to temporary insanity due to curiosity overkill. During a (surprisingly) brief episode of curiosity overkill, a woman will ask a man a certain type of question, already expecting a very specific answer and thoroughly convinced that, in the heat of the moment, she`ll get the right and truthful response from her telepathic man. Furthermore, the man, feeling like the proverbial deer caught in the…

  • Call from the Female Parental Unit (FPU)

    On the phone with the Female Parental Unit first thing this morning. FPU: Good morning green-eyed monster!!! ME: *grunt* FPU: You really shouldn`t mumble. Especially in your job. Do you mumble to the people around you? Do you mumble to the journalists. No wonder you`re always complaining they get things wrong ME: *grunt* FPU: Your problem is fibre. You need to put more fibre in your diet. You`ll feel much better in the morning ME: On account of me having to race to the loo…. FPU: You forget I know what`s best for you. I gave birth to you ME: *grunt* FPU: “I am having trouble finding things on the…