Life

The Strippers Guide to His Universe

I need you to dance, I need you to strip, I need you to shake you little ass and hips. I need you to grind like you workin` for tips; and give me what I need while we listen to Prince…
Biggy Duets: Nasty Girl.

Give a girl a pole and she`ll go crazy

In a desire to break the monotony of being a sick lazy bugger at home, I picked Kim (little sis) up from the FPU`s place and went off to grab some cocktails and maybe find a place where I can dance (yes, it makes complete sense that I go from drop-dead-sick-hero to glam-cocktail-imbibing-hero). As I had discovered Barmooda for the first time the week before, Kim was hell-bent on me taking her there Saturday evening and that`s where we ended up very briefly. To cut a long story short…Barmooda has a pole (well, two evenly spaced) in the center of the dance floor. It`s not a particularly thin pole. In fact, it`s about 15 to 20 cm in diameter. However, it didn`t matter that the particular pole was grey and nondescript because somehow most of the women in the lounge were eventually drawn to dance around, try to climb, brush up and down, swirl around and lick (yes. Don`t ask) the afore-mentioned pole. Kim and I ruefully looked at each, smiled, shook our heads, obviously thinking the same thing…. what is it about women and pole dancing? For that matter, what is our fascination with strip teasing?

Now, don`t get me wrong. I`m not talking about the tainted idea we all have of stripping: the one where the men all go off to the highly commercial version of the deed, where the whole act culminates in a vivid picture of the inner working of the strippers guava. No, I`m talking about ordinary women, who have no problem with the old Burlesque art of taking of your clothes in a very artful way to entertain men. Yes, ladies…I`m talking about private dancing for your man. And I`m certainly not denouncing stripping as something that is not the done thing or that men alone should think it a wonderful institution. In fact, I`ll come out and say that I think that done properly it can be a wonderfully erotic tool…secret arsenal for any woman. The only thing that can ruin a good strip in my mind is lack of confidence on the part of the woman and an inability to understand that it`s a tease, a very cheeky invitation or sorts. There`s not supposed to be anything seedy, sordid or in your face about it. In fact, in my opinion, it`s supposed to be fun and it can be a huge turn on not only for your man, but also for yourself.

So, bare with me…as I give you my thoughts on the ideal bedroom strip and, please feel free to comment *grin*

Step 1. If you have body issues, leave it at the bedroom door. Most women say that, I am not hot enough to do this. But if you really think about it…your lover probably thinks you`re hot (that`s why he`s your lover duh!) and 80% of being hot is being confident. So….Drop your inhibitions and love your body

Step 2. Pick the right music. Don`t choose something for him. Choose something for YOU. If you pick a song that`s going to make you feel seductive and powerful…it`ll translate. And he`ll end up loving the song, the strip and everything associated with it.

Step 3. What are you wearing? Whatever`s sexy, comfortable…but most importantly…easy to get off. It must be gorgeous but practical. It`s pointless trying to get your kit off in a sexy way when you`re tied up from stem to stern. Props are always fun…but there`s a big difference between sexy and tacky. Think about what is sensual. Sensuality starts with the stimulation of the senses…touch, taste, smell you get the idea. Try to play with the senses by using props (by the way…Nipple Clamps for him is not really touch, darling. It`s painful). Ps: Personal recommendation …ALWAYS wear killer stiletto`s.

Step 4. Practice (if you really really must) You`re not auditioning to be Madonna`s next back up dancer or for a role in Grease the musical so no need to whip out some major dance moves. Keep it simple and leave the fancy dance routines to the professions. Just pop on the music you have chosen and get familiar with it. Move to it and see where it takes you.

Step 5. Showtime! When it comes down to the crunch, I always think it`s important to create the mood. Dim the lights or turn them off and light candles. Take it slow remember this is a strip tease; place a lot of emphasis on the Tease part. Try and keep eye contact with your partner and ooze confidence, act in control. Remember …it`s a tease don`t allow him to touch you until YOU say it`s ok. It`ll drive him nuts!

Why this post? I don`t know. It IS a bit arbitrary. But my mood today is naughty and I was thinking about how women associate stripping with something sordid and are reluctant to stimulate their partners that way. I don`t have a problem with my man going to a gentleman`s club (I really don`t. believe it). However, when he`s sitting there…looking at naked punani…I want him to sit back and smile and know that sometimes he doesn`t have to go further than his home for a hot chick to take her kit off in a way that`ll drive him crazy.

* I hope the gods of blog land do not slap me on the wrists for going to far this time – jd*

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