Recently I`ve been in a number of conversations with guys who positively LAMENTED the fact that their partners just don`t make an effort anymore. Now really guysâ€¦I don`t want to get into the whole gender issue and with all the gender benders it`s quite possible to assume that men are from Mars AND Venus. I just find that a bit hard to swallow. I know of so many guys that just REALLY don`t care after they get the girl.
The nastiest of all is when little personal habits start to creep into the love-struck couple`s haze of love (or, most probably, lust). Now, I`m not talking about the old leave the toilet seat up routine If you are inconsiderate enough to leave the toilet seat up in my house, you will walk the damn dog outside. In the gutter. And look, you`ll even be able to spell your name on my grass there are perks.
But I digressâ€¦It goes beyond the toilet seat and the loud burping and the clothing lying around everywhere BUT the clothing hamper and the toenail clippings on my dark coffee table (noâ€¦REALLY. Believe it) or farting in bed seconds before you want to get frisky (that`s a BIG passion killer boysâ€¦don`t ever wonder why we`re not interested in a little lovin after that stunt).
It`s actually about Boundaries and Expectations. Ok. So here`s the thing. I`m a fairly normal, grounded and independent woman (prone to the usual mild drama queen moments right around PMS). I meet guys (well, I remember a time when I actually had an avid dating life) and of course you start doing the dance. You both put your best foot forward, much flirting and innuendos ensue and before you know it you either have a hit or you don`t. Before it gets serious in any way (Chick serious is deciding if you`re going to sleep with him. Guy serious is marriage and kids), I kind of do the boundary conversation. Most guys do not like the four words WE HAVE TO TALK and, for that matter, neither do I. So, I prepare the unsuspecting lad by subtlety working my intentions into the playful banter of young lovers (ha ha). I would be dropping broad hints indicating that :
a) You have your space, I have mine,
b) Just because you bought a coke and put it in my fridge, doesn`t mean that your toothbrush can come over to visit afore-mentioned coke.
c) Don`t question or prohibit my time out with the urban family male or female and I won`t bitch about boy`s nights in fact, all power to you. Get a stripper if you like. Get two.
d) I won`t discuss my ex, if you don`t discuss yours.
e) Don`t go saying you love me because you can. Love takes time and effort. Don`t dare go there unless you`re ready for the responsibility that`s associated with it.
f) No pressure. None. I`ll do the same for you.
g) Most importantly, don`t make promises you can`t keep and don`t create expectations I don`t have. It`s not fair.
And it`s really G) that winds me up. That`s a very annoying personal habit boysâ€¦
Not all women come into a relationship with expectations and demands and pictures of babies and white picket fences (!). Some of us just want to have a buddy, who occasionally happen to exchange bodily fluids with us, tells us we look hot and indulge us when we want to sleep in on a Saturday and have a late breakfast before you watch the rugby. It`s not that hard, right? You would expect some guys to come running. But noâ€¦they can`t resist themselves. Most guys I know do it – It`s like the default setting for most guys are: I will make promises I can`t keep. I know she said there is no pressureâ€¦but I`m going to start making noises about getting married. Or moving in together or, heaven forbid, kids
And what do we do, Ladies? Whether it was on our mind or not we do a complete 360 degrees and start entertaining the ideaâ€¦because we can`t help ourselves, right? In my case, I won`t entertain the marriage or kids bit, but I have once entertained (very seriously) the idea of moving in with someone. And why? Because he suggested it. And kept on and on about it. Till I relented and saidâ€¦OK. Let`s talk about it. And this is where he (wait for it) turns around and says, I think we`re moving to fast. This is a big step.
I thought of poisoning him slowly, but I just don`t have the patience. Guns and knives are messy. Instead I decided it was time we parted ways.
So guys, I know you`re bitching about how the girls let go and stop caring about how they look and this is why I specifically said that girls should look and feel sexy for themselves and their man (Madam Zaffiora`s House of S&M Fun)â€¦ But boytjie, return the favour. Let sleeping dogs lie. Make your intentions very clear from the start and stick to it. Don`t take us on some crazy roller coaster ride and expect it to be ok. And for Pete`s Sakeâ€¦
Would it KILL you to take the damn toenail clippings off my table??!
On a final noteâ€¦I can`t wait for the long weekend. I`m sleeping for all of it. I need to recharge in a serious way. I`m (secretly) praying for rain and no power cuts.