Girl, Had dinner at an old friends` place last night. Saw many people that I haven`t seen since I was on res at â€˜varsity. Was good for the soul, I guess. Yesterday was a bugger of a day and I blame it on the sun, the moon, my shizophrenia. Anyway, sometimes I feel like a girl not a woman. Like I don`t want to be brave and strong and independent. Like I really really want to be coddled (and cuddled). Yesterday, I guess, was one of those days.
Last night at dinner, though, it was different. The French onion soup was served and as I slid my spoon in backwards to take a sip, a pair of eyes lit up across the table.
You justâ€¦ did you see how she eats her soup? Chris turned to Mark. He was beaming at me, one hand to his chest, almost in reverence. And I knew, right then, that was how he thinks Julie Andrews eats her soup. It`s just soâ€¦ refined!
Woman, I think as I consider maybe sending my Female Parental Unit (FPU) a thank-you for years of etiquette dinners.
When a friend asked me the other day whether I was a girl or a woman, I questioned first his reason for asking and second, my reason for answering, both. Some days, to be honest, I just don`t know.
When I`m at work, I`d tell you woman, for sure. There`s no room for girl at that conference room table on Monday mornings. Likewise, when I`m paying bills, I am woman.
I am girl when it`s late, and I am in my PJ`s and the only person I want to talk to is my best-friend or my FPU and the only place I want to be is home at my parents place, even though neither exists they way I remember them anymore.
And I am girl when I smile and say nothing even though my brain is screaming. I am a girl about texture and color and touch.
I am woman about how I budget, who I love and what I decide to keep. I am woman when I ask hard questions and refuse to accept easy answers.
Girl when I cry. Woman when I kiss. Both when I laugh.
It`s one of the more difficult things about growing up fitting into one or the other, and I actually get nervous about one day defining myself completely as woman.
Will there be no more pirouettes and pink? More responsibility and resolution?
I don`t know. For right now though, I`m wont to think that both is a good fit, and that maybe, just maybe there was something insightful about that Britney Spears song.
I kid about the song. Mostly.
Later on, I`m off to buy some Wellingtons (Wellies, if you prefer). A holdover from when I was a girl. In case you`re wonderingâ€¦.two pairs. One in Baby Pink and the other in Mint green.