In March this year (in my previous blog, The Princess Diaries), I invited a couple of people to post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of them and me. It could be anything they wanted – good or bad – BUT IT HAD TO BE FAKE. They had free reign, except they had to start their story with “Remember when you and I….” or “I’ll never forget the time you and I…”
The idea was that creativity and hilarity had to be the order of the day. I received the most fascinating responses. And, since I’m officially killing off Princess Diaries, I thought I’d post some of my favourites here…to save it for posterity (of course)
“I’ll never forget the time that I bumped into you at that Starbucks in Paris, France. You were wearing that glamorous red sequin dress of yours, and I had fallen into a puddle, was soaked and smelly. But you still gave me a hug and went off to your jello-wrestling match all muddy. It was so sweet of you!”
Remember when you and I were walking past the Zebra enclosure at the Berlin Zoo? I particularly remember it was a warm Spring day – unusual for Berlin because it wasn’t humid. As you passed by the fence, the Zebra stallion snaked his head though the wire and grabbed your sleeve…
How you jumped and shrieked!
I`ll never forget the time you and I decided to bust out of the rat race. How we bought a backpack and a round-the-world air ticket, dreaming of visiting the most awe-inspiring places such as Machu Picchu, the Northern lights and the Himalayas? How you got arrested in Indonesia for trying to save a rooster from the most horrific demise in a local Cockfight. I`ll never forget the look on your face when I drove an army tow-truck through the dilapidated jail wall to bust you out. I`ll never forget how we went on the run, hiding on an idyllic island paradise, resting beneath the stars and surviving off the land. How we managed to bum a lift on a Japanese fishing trawler, and how we sabotaged the ship when we realised it was a whaling vessel. I`ll never forget how we tried to keep each other warm in the icy waters of the Pacific, and the relief we experienced when picked up by the Aussie Coast guard.
I will never forget how we rolled with the punches, how we grew through adversity, I`ll never forget, the time of my lifeâ€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦..
Remember that time you and I were on a UN mission in Ethiopia after we had volunteered to hand out free Purity Baby food to all the starving kids, and we got hit with the biggest craving for apple sauce EVER! So we sat down behind the “Get your free Malaria Vaccination here” tent and scoffed 30 jars of Purity Apple that were destined for the great pork feast in celebration the President’s 30th new BMW? Wow! that was so awesome, I haven`t eaten an apple since that day!
I’ll never forget the time we were travelling the Netherlands, when you discovered that men are not the only human beings that can tickle your fancy. I can remember, but can you? Or do you want to? Maybe you were just tired of waiting for the right guy. Or maybe the visit to Die Walletjies had something to do with it and the complete anonimity in a foreign country allowed you to do something you would never try at home?
Be that as it may, to me it is like yesterday when we attended the party held in our honour by my Dutch friend Gert and his wife Tryntjie.
This is what Tryntjie told me afterwards:
Het was denk ik anderhalf jaar geleden. Op dat moment wist ik zelf niet dat ik bisexueel was.
Ik was met Gert en een aantal vriende naar een feestje gegaan vir een kennis van me. Op dat feest waren verschillende jonge mensen aanwezig. Zo raakte ik aan de praat met die stelletje van Zuid Afrika. Hij was lang en donker en zij was klein en met zwarte haar, maar met een heel goed figuurtje!
Naarmate de avond vordere merkte ik dat er een bepaalde chemie tussen haar
en mij onstond. En naar verloop ging hij dan ook weg. We spraken over relaties en seks in het algemeen, maar we raakte daar beide erg opgewonden van, dat we op een bepaald moment elkaar zachtjes begonnen te strelen. Ik over haar been en zij bij mij in mijn nek. Voorzichtig ging ik met mijn mond naar de hare en kuste passioneel. Daarna heb ik haar helaas nooit meer gezien.
remember that time, u had the orange sherbert and it gave u the squirts so i pulled over to the side of the road and u dropped a monster load and a beanstalk popped up and we climbed to the top only to find that it was in fact a nigerian scam? good times, good times
remember that time, u had the orange sherbert and it gave u the squirts so i pulled over to the side of the road and u dropped a monster load and a beanstalk popped up and we climbed to the top only to find that it was in fact a nigerian scam? good times, good times.