Girlus fashionus

The girlus fashionus is a very confused creature, who seems to have mistaken the Cape Town jungle for downtown Manhattan or Paris. She is easy to spot with jeans tucked in high-heeled boots, a tiny lacy top and beret which all come, of course, from designer stores. Underneath the beret she has perfectly straightened highlighted locks à la Sienna Miller which defy all climatic conditions by never being frizzy or out of place. She will wear drainpipe jeans even if they make her legs look carrot-shaped and never leave the house without a fully made-up face. For early meetings, even braving the worst morning traffic, she will look like she has just stepped off the pages off Vogue.
Though this behaviour may appear innocent, it is in fact calculated and intended to make the members of the lesser girlus capetonious feel inferior. This sentiment is enhanced when the girlus fashionus is complimented on her outfit as she will only ever reply What, this old thing? with a slight giggle.

When she is not too busy coordinating her handbag with her socks, the girlus fashionus is turning up late to social functions because she couldn`t find her favourite pink sparkly cellphone cover or because she just couldn`t bring herself to step out with a shoe that did not totally compliment her car. She also finds time to go to the gym but of course always looking equally stylish with hair perfectly pinned back, iPod ready and matching jogging bottoms and tiny lycra top. Her body, like her hair, seems to defy nature as she never sweats, turns into a beetroot or appears out of breath. She glows.

The girlus fashionus unsurprisingly attracts high levels of male attention but will only consider a mate who is equally stylish, usually to be found at Rhodes House or Baraza, always wearing a sweater, hat and blazer even though it is hotter than the sun. The homos fashionus is predatory yet charming and can easily attract an unprepared girlus capetonious into his lair where she will sadly find out that he is more interested in his own reflection than holding any sort of conversation. Relationships between two members of the fashionus family however rarely work out due to competition for the mirror, hair spray and moisturiser.

And that`s my insightful opinion for today.

More (serious) blogging fodder to follow. I`m on a rant today.


Girlus Capetonious

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