It’s Tuesday afternoon and I’m sitting in my office. I’m tired, hungry and really badly want to get out of here and get some exercise. I haven’t seen daylight all day and have been working like a maniac because I was away from the office for one day last week (and Aries that I am, I refuse to believe that life will go on without me at the office). I`ve also just had the most disconcerting conversation with a woman who said that it`s not ok that I`m single. And it`s not ok that I am not bothered by it in the least. In fact, she stated very emphatically that it`s unnatural to go home and be comfortable in your own space. She even said I’m “complex” (THAT again…wtf?). Of course, I begged to differ. I`m single not a hermit. And I`m fully aware of the fact that I`m not exactly trying very hard NOT to be single. It`s just that if you look for trouble, you`ll probably find it. So, I`m quite content to mosey along and let things happen > as opposed to using blunt force (lol). How do you explain to somebody that you`re perfectly comfortable in your own skin and space, and although you miss the little things (and occasionally the BIG things excuse the pun), you`re not really fussed about it? Because you know it`ll happen in it`s timeâ€¦today, tomorrowâ€¦(heaven forbid) next year.
So, when I leave here this evening I will probably do the following:
Stop off at Willowbridge to get supplies for the evening
Get home and take a long brisk walk with Stormy
Get home and take a bath
Light candles, put on some music, have supper
Work a bit
Read a little
And when I think about it I realise that sometimes I might be stuck in a rut – one of my own design, but that born out of the pressures of life – and I’m actually ok with it. But for one second, sitting in my office looking at the waterfall, I dream of a time when I went out dates. The anticipation of rushing home, getting into a bubble bath, doing my hair, dressing, primping and powdering…butterflies in my stomach all the time. Playing music (Frank Sinatra, Simply Red, Old U2) and singing along at the top of my voice to get into the mood.
I’d go through the inevitable fashion crises about which underwear / dress / top / jacket / shoes to wear. Should I wear my hair up or down? Which perfume must I wear? And when it’s all said and done it must be timed just right…not too late and neither must I be done much earlier than when he arrives.
And the actual date…oh…it’s usually the ones that are quirky that blows me away.
Sushi and cold beer on the beach, a walk up Lionshead mountain, dinner in front of a cosy fireplace in Franschoek. And sometimes it’s just sitting on my sofa talking crap and flirting with each other.
My self-imposed ban on the dating world during 2004 and 2005 was good for me. I reconnected with my friends and family and spent some great quality time with â€¦well, me. And in all fairness to me shocked colleague, she of the perpetually coupled status, I have to admit that I`m a bit sick of me at the moment. I suppose I should really start making an effort to play nice when I get invitations.
But for tonight…. I’ll go home and walk my dog, catch up on some e-mails and reading and generally be at peace with myself alone. And wait patiently for the next time I come out to play. And somehow, I feel it might be worth the anticipation…worth the wait.
Because, you see, as much as I dream of silly things like getting ready for a date or flirting with somebody on my couch…I’m not going to fret about it. And I’m not going to rush it.
For now….I’ll just enjoy being with me. And making me feel happy. And that’s good enough