The Agony and the Ecstacy

The male brain… shuts down at the point of climax.

Incapable of thinking or speaking coherently after that point, men generally want nothing to do with sex and will either jump out of bed to wash the car/dog/themselves or turn around, mumble something vaguely endearing (if he`s not a total bastard) and fall asleep. Or so says the Cosmopolitan (June Edition).

I`m not a huge fan of the Cosmo and even in this instance I have to disagree. In fact, the above pretty much could have described me. So, as everything shuts down after sex…it stands to reason that all the really interesting bits happen before sex. And it all starts with lust. Oh, yes…we could be pious and say that it started with an interesting conversation. Or the nice way he held the door open for me.


We`re not talking only about a connection or (lord help me) love at first sight we`re talking about a down and dirty I want you here and now physical reaction to another person. For most women this kind of reaction started the moment he walked into the room. And it`s the way he carried himself and the way he looked at you. Women, whatever we would like to maintain, like to be hunted. It`s primal and as old as Mother Nature itself. The chase, the hunt. So, when the young fella` me lad comes swaggering in the place with a direct, confident air, our knees go weak (does that answer any questions about why good guys always come last?). But I digress…

What fascinates me the most about this deadly sin (see The Misty Bar), is that women, more than men, will deny the fact that they too can lust. And that it can be a very primitive, carnal thing. It may be true that women are more emotionally driven than men (who are essentially visually triggered) and, for women, words can be far more stimulating than most pictures. However, it is a total misnomer that women are not driven by physical desire, which very firmly translates to lust.

Women are absolutely capable of feeling a strong physical desire for a man who is a total idiot and cannot string two words together (come now…that must explain the how Brad and Angelina got together). We have physical reactions that make us want to do crazy things and throw caution to the wind usually all for a mere taste of the forbidden fruit. My problem, however, is not with the fact that women can be just as instinctively lustful as men.

My problem is with the fact that women do not embrace this. Now, don`t get me wrong…I`m not advocating sexual voraciousness to the extent that it`ll get you into trouble and a nickname like….oh…”neighbourhood bicycle”. I`m merely saying that, when you`re in a monogamous relationship or in a situation where you`re single but do not have to be answerable to another individual in terms of your sexual responsibility, why do we shy away from calling it for what it is. More so when that strong physical desire the type of desire that pools in your stomach, makes your palms sweaty, your breathing heavy, your legs weak and your senses absolutely attuned to the every nuance of the other person is so divine when it happens to be with someone you actually care about.

It`s the most amazing thing to have that kind of chemistry and attraction with your partner. Someone who is not merely your lover, but the person you choose to share the rest of your life with. Then again, sometimes you`re single (no pointing fingers now…) and you`re a fairly normal, somewhat fiery and sassy woman. Sex and physical intimacy is not at the top-end of your agenda and it`s not that you miss it as much as you don`t think about it. And suddenly you find yourself in a situation where you suddenly become aware of a man … an acquaintance, if you will. Somebody that could possibly make you throw caution to the wind.

You have chemistry and an unmistakable attraction to this person. You can imagine getting into all sorts of situations with him and in so many ways. And if you`re this normal woman, what could be more normal than to have one’s own autonomous desires, and to act on them? Just what is so terrible about this and embracing it? Except …like someone has wisely posted, it isn`t called one of the Seven Deadly Sins for nothing. Throwing caution to the wind is not always a good thing.

It can become a sticky, messy business (excuse the pun) and really more trouble than its` worth. So what am I saying? I`m saying that I`m a normal, healthy young woman. Humans are sexual creatures. I am a sexually creature which makes me sexually curious but sexually responsible. I am not going to be a slave to my lust, but I will embrace physical desire and respect it for the monster it can be. In the right time and place, it is something to be enjoyed and gratification doesn`t have to be denied.

However, until I am in that time and place, I will be a sexual creature who make good choices.

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