I`ve been following some interesting thoughts and theories on dating and relationships lately mostly because I have recently decided to start dating again after quite a long, introspective time of non-dating. And you may have picked up that I am questioning certain dating-related issues- mostly because I haven`t done it in a while and suddenly it just seems incredibly hard. And tiring. All that kissing lots of frogs to find your prince, blah blah.
I`d rather just fast forward to the part where I leave the prince for the stable boy. Anyway, some ideas and advice on dating I`ve heard from friends (usually their opinion of what I`m doing wrong or not doing at all), some I`ve read as comments on this blog and most I`ve seen by surreptitiously studying my friends and colleagues love lives (or lack thereof). It`s all a dance, isn`t it?
And I think a friend of mine said it best two nights ago, when she mentioned something about Action and Consequence. For everything we do or say (or not say or do) there are reactions reactions that will ultimately dictate the type of partner you will attract, the way you will interact in a relationship, how you deal with (and survive) hurt, etc. I have three scenariosâ€¦
Woman meets man over telephone. They start a two-month long interaction which eventually leads to them meeting. They hit it off and what follows is maybe one of the most telling phases in her life. She grows and she learns in this relationship. There`s good and there`s bad. But, ultimately, she doesn`t regret it. She became who she is today during her relationship with this man and, although they are not together in many ways the relationship defined and shaped the way she conducts herself in future interactions with men. How different could it have had she decided not to meet him? If she had dismissed him out of hand as just another guy on the phone? She would have had different consequences.
Second Scenarioâ€¦ A man and a woman are in a monogamous relationship.
The woman finds out that the man had been cheating. They go through a very turbulent time in their relationship, but ultimately the woman decides to forgive him and they work on re-building the relationship. She does not ever mention the infidelity again and never shames him about it but it is unspoken that it was almost unforgivable and will not be tolerated again. The man cannot move on from his guilt. He traces anything that goes wrong in the relationship back to the original sin`. Eventually, the relationship implodes. Why? For every action, there are consequences. No matter what.
Last Scenario … A woman is sitting on a plane.
It`s late, she`s on her way home and she`s had a long day. She does not want to deal with anybody right now and any chitchat is out of the question. Her fellow passenger seems just as reluctant to make small talk and he works on his laptop, while she reads. The plane lands and, while waiting to retrieve their baggage, they eventually speak to each other for the first time. It turns out to be a 30-minute conversation in the parking area and they seem to have some things in common. They exchange numbers with a view to meet up again to continue their chat. He calls, initially she responds. Eventually he seems too interested, almost too good to be true. She declines a date and never responds to his calls again. What happened? Her inherent scepticism of anything that seems too good to be true played out and her action was to run, rather than open herself up to the possibility of any drama. Actions and Consequence. It`s a bitch. It can hold you back and cripple you. Orâ€¦*smile* sometimes it changes you in a lasting and positive way. I know because I was one of those women. And I am all of those women.So, what do you do? You think, you resolve to stick to your values (after all, you should know who you are and who you want to be with), you take a leap of faith and you make a decision that`s good for you. And then you stick to it. And if your world collapses (momentarily) because of your decision, it`s probably ok. Because tomorrow you`ll probably get another opportunity to exercise Action and Consequence.
On another (totally unrelated) note:I am SO excited. Kink has opened a store at Willowbridge. Had an awesome time sipping bubbly and shopping yesterdayâ€¦it`s just fabulous that I don`t have to drive all the way to their flagship shop in Gardens. And if you don`t know what Kink isâ€¦.wellâ€¦.shame.